Being Judged

In the past few months, I have had a hard time giving myself grace as I heal from all of these surgeries. I have had pain, and now that the pain is gone, I feel like it's taking forever to get my strength back.

This past week, my worst fears were realized as I learned that someone else was judging me too.

I have often felt overwhelmed with the effects of hydrocephalus and the related surgeries. I have often felt like I just can't deal with tasks, no matter how simple and basic they seem. I often feel like I am not good enough. Then a small voice tells me "My grace is enough."

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

⁹ But he said to me, ^(A)“My grace is sufficient for you, for ^(B)my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that ^(C)the power of Christ may rest upon me.

There are so many effects of hydrocephalus that affect me every day, that nobody ever sees. Many of these affect every area of my life, and I have to make moment by moment conscious efforts to push past them.

When I feel I am not good enough, He says "My grace is enough."

When I feel I am not strong enough, He says "I will be your strength." (Isaiah 41:10; Exodus 15:2)

When I feel alone and abandoned, He says "I will never leave you." (Deuteronomy 31:8; Hebrews 13:5)

When I feel I am unable to go on, He says "I am able" (2 Timothy 1:12)

I can do this with His help, but it will take time. If anything, all of this has given me an extreme empathy for those with disabilities that are not obvious to others.

I am learning how to give myself grace as I heal from 7 (yes, SEVEN) major surgeries since April, take care of my home and 3 children, and try to work my hair accessories business. I am blessed and thankful that I have help with the kids, but the other tasks take time to learn how to juggle all over again. 

I will not only survive, but with His help, I will THRIVE!

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38‭-‬39 ESV