Faith and Believeing - Part 2

I've been learning a lot lately about trusting God with things in my life. I started this whole blog out a few years ago to share my poetry, which was usually about things I was struggling with. I haven't written any new poetry in a few years, and quit posting the poems I did write, as I have been re-evaluating what they say about me and my faith. I now know what I believe, and God is here. God loves me and has the best for me - all I have to do is believe and receive. Patience has never been one of my strong points. Tim has been teaching me that God answers prayer in Hisd timing, not ours, and God does not withhold answers to prayer as punishment. I had developed that view growing up, but see now that this view Gives human characteristics to God. God is Good, not evil and He does not repay evil for evil. Our God of Love does things in His character, and that does not include spitefulness. Please pray for me as I continue learning.

Faith and Believing

I haven't written in over a year... Got busy with other stuff, moved twice, got sick, etc. Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about what I believe, and why. I mean - Does God really keep his promises? He said that he would give us the desires of our hearts, didn't He? Tim and I have been praying for a baby for over a year now, and we have yet to see an answer. I have stuggled with faith before, but never talked about it, because in my family growing up, I was supposed to be the strong one spiritually. Both my brothers walked away from God when they got hurt and/or disappointed, and my dad quit going to church about a year after I graduated from high school. My brother made a comment to me in '04 that made me realize he was watching my spiritual walk - that he was watching how my difficult situations drew me to hold on to God tighter where he said had he been the one that got sick, he would have pushed God away instead. I have wanted to at times, but realizing that people are watching me has kept me going. However, now, I am finding it harder and harder to believe just for someone else's sake. It needs to be for my own growth, which lately, there hasn't been much. I don't know how to keep going. I need to believe - I KNOW it's real, but how to I become the strong believer I want to be? How do I grow?