Getting Ready for Big Changes

This weekend, Tim & I worked on cleaning & re-arranging so we will have a place to put the baby stuff in October. We got pretty far on it, enough that the guys can start re-arranging furniture soon :) When I was on FB this morning, I saw that a friend had posted that she is giving away her bassinet, so I sent her a message saying that I would like to have it... She will be bringing it by sometime soon (yay!)

Yesterday, Tim took me out for my birthday date, and it was so wonderful! we went to a movie, walked the mall, started our baby registry @ Target, talked about what we want in the registries at Babies R Us & Wal~Mart

Life Changing Events

It's been a while since I posted to this blog. We have a lot going on right now. I am 13 weeks pregnant with our first little one, and the last couple of weeks, Tim has been hearing rumors flying around at work that the company may be going under. With a little one on the way, we can't afford for him to have his job pulled out from under him with no warning, so he has started searching for another job, one that hopefully pays him better, & where the company treats him better. A friend suggested Southwest Airline, because they have been so good to her family, as her husband is an employee there. Tim put in his application this morning, & I sent our friend a text message. She replied that her husband had already talked to his supervisors about Tim, and they were looking for his application. We are believing that this means he will get the job, and that it will be a perfect fit for what we need.

Many Busy Changes

Tim & I have had so much going on in the last few months that I haven't been able to keep up with my blogs. We have great news, though... We have a little one one the way that will be joining us on Life's Journey January of 2012! We are so excited and so blessed! I will try to post occational updates on our Journey, as I get the chance.

Results, But Not the Ones I Wanted

I got a call from Dr. Trout's office today with the results of the blood tests... They tested for six things, two of which I already knew: blood type and not pregnant. The rest of the hormone levels showed normal, which most I wasn't surprised about, because they always have been normal, no matter how many times they test them. The prolactin, which she expected to be high what normal, but she said that in the information she had send over from the other doctor's office, it showed quite high before my last shunt surgery (big surprise there, not)... Anyway, now it's down to the HSG (this Thursday). After that, we'll talk again & decide what the next step is. In the mean time, I will keep my chin up and keep going.

Happy Times, Hard Times

Happy times for some are hard times for others. My sister-in-law is 9 months pregnant with her fourth baby (a "surprise" baby). She told me once that she always knew one way or another, she was going to have 4 kids. This past week, everyone else has been constantly talking aobut the baby... "Jas this, Jas that... Benjamin this, Benjamin that..." Guessing when the baby's going to come and how big he will be. I am constantly torn up inside, but unable to talk to anyone about it, because that would bake me the insenitive, inconsiderate, selfish one. I guess I'll have to suck it up and get over it, like I had to with the last "surprise" baby.

Tim and I are still trying to get pregnant, and some days are easier to deal with than others. People think that I volunteer at the NICU to get my "baby fix," but the truth is, I volunteer in the NICU in spite of the heartache. I cry all the way to the hospital every week, fight the tears all the way through my shift, and cry almost all the way home. I am able to dry it up before I walk into the house, soe that the family never knows.

There are just certain things that I'm not supposed to have feelings about. I'm supposed to be okay with the whole family being involved with this whole process Tim & I are going through, and with any other medical issues that we deal with. And I'm supposed to be okay with my nose getting rubbed into stuff, and if I react to anything, I'm taking it. too personally. Well I'm sorry: that's just the way I've always been. People wonder why I learned to stuff my feelings: well, that's why: my feelings are just offensive to other people, because I'm too sensitive. I grew up in a family where nobody talked about any of this kind of stuff, so even after five years, I'm still not used to it.

Take Time to Serve

Tim & I are going to miss church tonight... Not because we just want to play hookie, but because we are goint to volunteer at the hospital. Tim is going to be in tonight orientaion group, and I will help out in the Ronald McDonald Family Room. for the two hours it take for him to get "trained." I am so excited that we will be able to volunteer together, now. Last night, I worked my "Cuddler" shift in the NICU. I got to hold two babies, and for the time in between, I walked the halls, praying for all of the babies and staff in the NICU. Last week was the first time I walked the halls praying for all of them, and it was great. I have been doing the Cuddler shift for about 4 weeks, now, and each shift, I have prayed for and sang to each of the babies I held. Now, when there are no babies that need held, I walk the halls praying for all of them. Isn't it great knowing that The God who heals is in the hospitals, too? And I know He hears. He is healing my broken heart, and He heals the sick.

I heard a lesson recently that you can tell which life (this one or the next one) is the priority by looking at two things: what you do with you money, and your time. The people that give BOTH are the happiest. I have noticed this in my own life. Even when I tithe regularly, I don't notice a difference unless I am also giving of my time. The opposite is true, too, but I find that I can actually absorb more teaching, receive more instruction, and retain more joy from both if I am giving of my TIME, serving. If your service isn't needed in one area, find another where it is needed. I did, and I LOVE IT!

A Hum-dinger of a Week

Monday, I had a doctor's appointment, & this appointment was more encouraging than any of the others! We talked about my symptoms & what had been done, then made a plan for the next few steps. Dr. Trout gave me some samples for pre-natal vitamins to see which ones I like best, then she will write a prescription to get me on them before I get pregnant. I took the first one this morning, and learned that apparently the FDA does not require drug companies to list ALL inactive ingredients on the packaging, so I had to follow my vitamin with benadryl. I then called the customer service numbers for the rest of the vitamin companies, to make sure which ones really were safe for me to take. I am thankful that wee are finally going in the right direction. Anyway, the last day and a half have been so crazy with all of this that I feel like it should already be Friday! I am thankful that some of the stress that has been weighing on me has lifted, and I feel like smiling again! Still praying that Dr. Trout's hunch is right, and this will be a quick, inexpensive fix.

Long, "Exciting" Weekend

Last Thursday and Friday, I picked up the 9-1 shift in the Ronald McDonald Family Room. Friday, I was on my way home when I had my first accident:
I was coming home, northbound on Washington, and was about at 45th when a lady tried to change lanes, not seeing me. she hit along the left side of the car.
We pulled over under the I-70 bridge, she called 911, and we waited for the police to arrive. She got out of her car to talk to me when it was safe to do so. She acknowledged that it was completely her fault, saying I was in her blind spot.

Then, last night, we got a phone call & Mom had to go get Jas to be there for her sister in an emergency. I stayed up until almost midnight, to make sure they wouldn't need me. When I was told they were returning home, I went to bed, but decided I should trade away my cuddler shift for tonight, so I don't fall asleep at the wheel on the way home. I don't know how much more "excitement" I can handle in one week!

Volunteerism

There is nothing I enjoy more than giving of my time: whether it's though my crochet projects, or volunteering at the hospital. Yesterday and today, I picked up a couple of shifts at the Ronald McDonald Family Room. I am so happy to be able to help people... Isn't it nice to feel needed?

Struggles

Isn't it strange how one person's source of comfort is another's source of pain?
Isn't it strange how the thing that comforts one person in a hard situation makes another person who SEEMS to be in the same situation feel worse?
Isn't it strange how someone can think people around them MIGHT understand how they feel, only to find they don't?

One more hard lesson that God is the only one you can rely one 100% of the time. People will let you down: they're only people. circumstanses will disappoint. Plans will fail. Just get up, brush it off & don't let anyone else see you cry (That way you don't have to try to explain). Ther is only One you can depend on no matter what. He won't judge you, because He made you & knows what you're going through. No matter how alone you feel, He really is there walking beside you, & when needed, carrying you.

Footprints

Last night I had a dream.

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:

One belonged to me, the other to the Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that at many timesalong the path of my life,

Especially at the very lowest and saddest times,

There was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me,

So I asked the Lord about it.

"Lord, You said that once I decided to follow You,

You'd walk with me all the way.

But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,

There was only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why,

When I needed You most, You would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My son, My Precious child,

I love you and would never leave you.

During your times of suffering,

When you could see only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you."

This is a poem that I learned as a kid, & have hung onto ever since. Sometimes it helps to be reminded.

Frustrations

I had a doctor's appointment this morning, & they said that there are some things they can do to fix the problem, & waiting too long to do so can cause long-term problems, including putting me a high risk for certain types of cancer. However, they won't treat said problem until Tim gets checked out... now does that make sense? I get their point of suggesting we have him checked out, but if my problem puts me at risk for more serious problems, wouldn't they want to treat that regardless of his status? I am really trying to leave this in God's hands... I just need to vent about the requirements not making sense. God, I have had my fair share of tears. I am trusting You to make this right. I am trusting your timing; please help me keep trusting even in the hardest hours. Help me to CRAVE You more than anything. You are my Provider & my Healer, Jehovah Jireh / Jehovah Rapha. I will trust You & Your Promises, because You never fail & You never break Your promises.

CRAVE - something you long for, want greatly, desire eagerly and beg for.

Psalm 84:1,2 NKJV How lovely is your tabernacle, oh Lord of hosts! My sould longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the Lord; My heart and flesh cry out for the living God.

We have an in born craving for God. He placed it inside each one of us. When we try to fill up on other things, they never satisfy, because each of us is born with a "God-shaped hole" in our hearts, nothing else can fill that void. (John Fischer in his book Saint Ben). When we try to fill up on other things like our friends' troubles, gossip, relationships, food, tv, drugs/alchohol, or other material possesions, we are never satisfied. It will make us more and more frustrated, like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. When we depend on God for our sole source of satisfaction, we will never be dissappointed. God will provide us with:

Companionship (Hebrews 13:5-6)
Joy (John 15:11)
Life (John 10:10)
Love (John 15:12, I John 4:18)
True Freedom (Romans 6)
Grace
Peace (John 14:27)
Mercy (Psalm 100:5)
Blessing & Promises (Ephessians 1:3)

... and so much more! God keeps His promises! All He asks of us is that we believe and keep believing. he is faithful even when we are not. Why not trust Him to take care of us, fulfilling all of His promises? God promised several people in the Bible physical, tangible blessings. Many of them waited for years before seeing the blessing manifest, but they all believed. God will make good on ALL of His promises, but in His timing, not ours.

Following Him

Life has its ups and downs. There will only be one constant in this life: He will never leave us to make it though alone. Lately, I have been wondering what God is up to: why He gave me certain dreams then makes me wait. While I still don't know the answer to this, He has given me peace (as long as I trust Him). When I lost my job 19 months ago, I couldn't figure out what He had planned for me. He kept telling me that I wasn't supposed to get another job, but concentrate on my blankets. Everyone around me still thought I needed to find a job right away & if I wasn't finding one it was because I wasn't trying hard enough.
Right now, He has me serving Him in a couple of different areas, through volunteering, & through my blankets. I still apply for jobs, but I'm not upset over getting rejected for the positions anymore. I know that He has a plan for me, and that ech day is just a small piece to the big picture. Right now, I am happy to be a blessing to those He puts on my heart.