Results, But Not the Ones I Wanted

I got a call from Dr. Trout's office today with the results of the blood tests... They tested for six things, two of which I already knew: blood type and not pregnant. The rest of the hormone levels showed normal, which most I wasn't surprised about, because they always have been normal, no matter how many times they test them. The prolactin, which she expected to be high what normal, but she said that in the information she had send over from the other doctor's office, it showed quite high before my last shunt surgery (big surprise there, not)... Anyway, now it's down to the HSG (this Thursday). After that, we'll talk again & decide what the next step is. In the mean time, I will keep my chin up and keep going.

Happy Times, Hard Times

Happy times for some are hard times for others. My sister-in-law is 9 months pregnant with her fourth baby (a "surprise" baby). She told me once that she always knew one way or another, she was going to have 4 kids. This past week, everyone else has been constantly talking aobut the baby... "Jas this, Jas that... Benjamin this, Benjamin that..." Guessing when the baby's going to come and how big he will be. I am constantly torn up inside, but unable to talk to anyone about it, because that would bake me the insenitive, inconsiderate, selfish one. I guess I'll have to suck it up and get over it, like I had to with the last "surprise" baby.

Tim and I are still trying to get pregnant, and some days are easier to deal with than others. People think that I volunteer at the NICU to get my "baby fix," but the truth is, I volunteer in the NICU in spite of the heartache. I cry all the way to the hospital every week, fight the tears all the way through my shift, and cry almost all the way home. I am able to dry it up before I walk into the house, soe that the family never knows.

There are just certain things that I'm not supposed to have feelings about. I'm supposed to be okay with the whole family being involved with this whole process Tim & I are going through, and with any other medical issues that we deal with. And I'm supposed to be okay with my nose getting rubbed into stuff, and if I react to anything, I'm taking it. too personally. Well I'm sorry: that's just the way I've always been. People wonder why I learned to stuff my feelings: well, that's why: my feelings are just offensive to other people, because I'm too sensitive. I grew up in a family where nobody talked about any of this kind of stuff, so even after five years, I'm still not used to it.

Take Time to Serve

Tim & I are going to miss church tonight... Not because we just want to play hookie, but because we are goint to volunteer at the hospital. Tim is going to be in tonight orientaion group, and I will help out in the Ronald McDonald Family Room. for the two hours it take for him to get "trained." I am so excited that we will be able to volunteer together, now. Last night, I worked my "Cuddler" shift in the NICU. I got to hold two babies, and for the time in between, I walked the halls, praying for all of the babies and staff in the NICU. Last week was the first time I walked the halls praying for all of them, and it was great. I have been doing the Cuddler shift for about 4 weeks, now, and each shift, I have prayed for and sang to each of the babies I held. Now, when there are no babies that need held, I walk the halls praying for all of them. Isn't it great knowing that The God who heals is in the hospitals, too? And I know He hears. He is healing my broken heart, and He heals the sick.

I heard a lesson recently that you can tell which life (this one or the next one) is the priority by looking at two things: what you do with you money, and your time. The people that give BOTH are the happiest. I have noticed this in my own life. Even when I tithe regularly, I don't notice a difference unless I am also giving of my time. The opposite is true, too, but I find that I can actually absorb more teaching, receive more instruction, and retain more joy from both if I am giving of my TIME, serving. If your service isn't needed in one area, find another where it is needed. I did, and I LOVE IT!

A Hum-dinger of a Week

Monday, I had a doctor's appointment, & this appointment was more encouraging than any of the others! We talked about my symptoms & what had been done, then made a plan for the next few steps. Dr. Trout gave me some samples for pre-natal vitamins to see which ones I like best, then she will write a prescription to get me on them before I get pregnant. I took the first one this morning, and learned that apparently the FDA does not require drug companies to list ALL inactive ingredients on the packaging, so I had to follow my vitamin with benadryl. I then called the customer service numbers for the rest of the vitamin companies, to make sure which ones really were safe for me to take. I am thankful that wee are finally going in the right direction. Anyway, the last day and a half have been so crazy with all of this that I feel like it should already be Friday! I am thankful that some of the stress that has been weighing on me has lifted, and I feel like smiling again! Still praying that Dr. Trout's hunch is right, and this will be a quick, inexpensive fix.

Long, "Exciting" Weekend

Last Thursday and Friday, I picked up the 9-1 shift in the Ronald McDonald Family Room. Friday, I was on my way home when I had my first accident:
I was coming home, northbound on Washington, and was about at 45th when a lady tried to change lanes, not seeing me. she hit along the left side of the car.
We pulled over under the I-70 bridge, she called 911, and we waited for the police to arrive. She got out of her car to talk to me when it was safe to do so. She acknowledged that it was completely her fault, saying I was in her blind spot.

Then, last night, we got a phone call & Mom had to go get Jas to be there for her sister in an emergency. I stayed up until almost midnight, to make sure they wouldn't need me. When I was told they were returning home, I went to bed, but decided I should trade away my cuddler shift for tonight, so I don't fall asleep at the wheel on the way home. I don't know how much more "excitement" I can handle in one week!

Volunteerism

There is nothing I enjoy more than giving of my time: whether it's though my crochet projects, or volunteering at the hospital. Yesterday and today, I picked up a couple of shifts at the Ronald McDonald Family Room. I am so happy to be able to help people... Isn't it nice to feel needed?