Faith and Believing

I haven't written in over a year... Got busy with other stuff, moved twice, got sick, etc. Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately about what I believe, and why. I mean - Does God really keep his promises? He said that he would give us the desires of our hearts, didn't He? Tim and I have been praying for a baby for over a year now, and we have yet to see an answer. I have stuggled with faith before, but never talked about it, because in my family growing up, I was supposed to be the strong one spiritually. Both my brothers walked away from God when they got hurt and/or disappointed, and my dad quit going to church about a year after I graduated from high school. My brother made a comment to me in '04 that made me realize he was watching my spiritual walk - that he was watching how my difficult situations drew me to hold on to God tighter where he said had he been the one that got sick, he would have pushed God away instead. I have wanted to at times, but realizing that people are watching me has kept me going. However, now, I am finding it harder and harder to believe just for someone else's sake. It needs to be for my own growth, which lately, there hasn't been much. I don't know how to keep going. I need to believe - I KNOW it's real, but how to I become the strong believer I want to be? How do I grow?