Extraordinary

Growing up, I hated that I was different. I did everything I could to hide everything about my hydrocephalus: the pain, the scars, Then just before my surgery last year, I read something that changed my view...

The Glow Stick:
"I was in Dollar Tree last night and there was a lady and two kids behind me in the LONG line. One was a big kid, one was a toddler. The bigger one had a pack of glow sticks and the baby was screaming for them so the Mom opened the pack and gave him one, which stopped his tears. He walked around with it smiling, but then the bigger boy took it and the baby started screaming again. Just as the Mom was about to fuss at the older child, he bent the glow sticks and handed it back to the baby. As we walked outside at the same time, the baby noticed that the stick was now glowing and his brother said "I had to break it so you could get the full effect from it." I almost ran because l could hear God saying to me, "I had to break you too show you why I created you. You had to go through it so you could fulfill your purpose." That little baby was happy just swinging that "unbroken" glow sticks around in the air because he didn't understand what it was created to do which was "glow".

There are some people who will be content just "being" but some of us that God has chosen, we have to be "broken". We have to get sick. We have to lose a job. We go through divorce. We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because, in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us but when the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created."

Many times, I asked God why I couldn't be normal. Why did I have to be "broken" and different? A few people told me that God doesn't make mistakes, and that it all has a reason. Many others were so uncomfortable with seeing my scars and hearing my story that those voices drowned out the ones that said I wasn't a mistake. When I asked "Why me? Why do I have to be broken?" A still small voice said "Why not?" Then I read this little story about the little boy and the glow stick, and started to see clearly. As life, illnesses, and challenges broke me down, they gave opportunity for Christ's love and light to shine through. There have been so many people I have been able to talk to and make connections with that I never would have met had I not been needing VP shunt surgeries.

Psalm 139
1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!


2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.

 3 You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

 5 You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.

 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

 7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?

8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

 9 If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

 10 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.

 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”

 12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.

 13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
   How vast is the sum of them!

18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with you.

I am no accident. My hydrocephalus is no accident. He formed me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The fact that I am alive today, with only minor effects from the hydrocephalus and shunt system is a miracle and means that God has a plan for my life. I still deal with headaches, shunt pain, and tenderness. I have to be careful how I style my hair, so it doesn't pull. I have to sleep more than most people my age. Too much noise literally vibrates my head to a point of hurting. Pushing my physical limits means paying for it for days. But it also puts me in a position to understand what others are going through. He never left me, but He walked through with me all the way, at some points carrying me. Because of this, I now count my blessings and each time I go in for another re-check or revision, I go in with the mindset of "okay God, use me. Whose life do you need me to touch?"



Why be ordinary when you can be extraordinary?